Seriously?!! What would a Friday night be without the ER for the Bauer's?!
Leaving the hospital earlier I noticed Clint's pants had a huge wet spot. When we got home there was a HUGE blister and burn from where Clint has no feeling and put a hot rice bag earlier in the day that just was way too hot and he couldn't feel it.
I bet our Friday night date costs more than yours!
Despite the smoking hot smile you see in the mirror this week has been difficult. (Darn that seems to be the intro for most of our recent posts)
Clint is recovering from pneumonia a lot slower than he wants and his body is trying to cope and recover from having 5 surgeries since January.
He had a rough couple nights and I talked to the nurse Tuesday and she said that unfortunately this pattern could be his new 'normal'.
She went on to say that with the cancer now progressing in his lungs it will make him more susceptible to catching infection and harder for him to fight it off. And that having continuous oxygen might be what his body will need.
As I broke the news to Clint I could see the despair creep in.... He then ran Neiska to the orthodontist and when he came back Neiska told me that Daddy was crying and told her the news and for her not to tell her brothers.
He later asked me with frustrated tears in his eyes 'Do you think they have some type of oxygen you can swim with?' (Swimming is the ONE thing Clint has left to be able to do for cardio exercise and he really enjoys it but since he's been in and out of surgeries since November he hasn't been able to swim and after his pneumonia cleared up he was cleared to start back up again)
I immediately realized I hadn't even thought of that....
I told him that just because she said he might be on permanent oxygen doesn't mean he WILL be and to give himself a break and his body a chance to bounce back from the recent trauma it's been through.
And if he did need continuous oxygen it would be okay we would make it work .....He then nodded as he digested what I was saying. Then I hugged him forever and we escaped to the movie theaters and left our problems in the car.
Next week (June 7th) is our 13th anniversary. I know our life is far from perfect but I'm so grateful for the amazing example of a man and father my children have forever .... He truly is one of Gods best and I'm honored to be his wife and girlfriend 😉
Darn it this Sunday Clint did not want to supply a Vampire mini bar....
We are at the ER and are being admitted (again😞) he's been extremely tired, nauseous, wheezy, crazy low blood pressure, the list could go on....
In today's CT the cancer has grown more in his lungs in the last week. The doctor said it could easily be that that's causing the congestion and his lack of him being able to get enough air or a developing pneumonia infection.
Tonight Clint said through his slurred tired speech that he feels like the oldest man alive....
So heartbreaking....so sad....that my 34 year old (smokin' hot) husband has to endure such a devastating infestation.
Cancer's not fair.....life's not fair.....
In all my time writing these posts for Clint with disappointment after disappointment there has always been a hope in my heart that gets me through.
A hope that my kids will grow up and see that even though life doesn't go as planned, even though life sometimes appears impossible, even though somedays they feel they can't go on....they will look back and REMEMBER.
Remember their Dad and that he DID go on! Remember that when it was tough we all kept going! Remember that our life WASN'T easy but it WAS beautiful and full of LOVE, compassion, adventure, and faith.
Remember that when we weren't strong enough on our own Angels were there to strengthen us!
Remember that when we could have lost hope and faith we didn't. Remember that when we were scared we were comforted!
Remember that this life is but a small moment and if they endure it well with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ they WILL make it through ANYTHING that will come their way.
And that is my testimony to all those who follow Clint's story....that you will look at your life and when it's hard and you feel like you can't possibly go on I hope you remember my Dream Man. Remember our story. And Remember that with your Savior Jesus Christ ALL things ARE possible! You can do it and so can we!
Clint just got out of surgery. They were not able to use an anesthesiologist because one wasn't available and we would've had to wait two more weeks.
The Dr said it would be no problem (easy for him to say) with conscious local sedation (meaning he would be awake the entire time) Clint agreed because he wanted to get it over with.
I just got to see him and I have NEVER seen him so full of anguish. It was a grueling 3 hours of POW torture. He was completely conscious while they were burning his internal tumor tissues.
He endured more this procedure than anyone should have to endure. He's completely physically and emotionally exhausted.
The doctor wasn't able to burn much of the gluteal tumor because it immediately put Clint crying out in pain. But they ablated a large tumor in his pelvis. The nurse said it was definitely a horrible experience and they literally do that to prisoners of war.
He strongly recommended we go get radiation next week. We want to say Uncle.
It's been emotionally traumatic for us all. I laid by Gunner and he told me he was a little embarrassed because he cried every day at school this week. He said it was like an emergency when we left and then we were gone all week and it was hard.
Clint has a spinal headache and has been crying the last couple of days. Today I asked him besides the obvious reasons was there something else making him cry and he said that he didn't know why. I told him it was because his bodies drained and ready for a break. We have been in and out of surgeries since November he's had 5 surgeries. That's 5 surgeries in a little over 6 months. Not even enough time to recoup and recover from even half that amount.
He has one more ablation surgery next week And then hopefully we will all have a break for awhile.
Clint was crying when all the kids climbed on the bed telling them through sobs that this is what he's missed and needed this week.....his family. We all laid by him and everyone (including our two dogs) took a nap together.
Calling all good (and clean) Jokes to help cheer Mr Bauer up!
Just talked to Dr Randall. He does have a bulging disc in addition to the tumor that's aggravating the nerves. However the tumor is the biggest culprit for the pain. It's an inoperable tumor and the Doctor said if he went in after it he could very possibly not make it out alive. Plus the tumor would just regenerate anyway.
He will be staying in the hospital until tomorrow. And then Monday all his doctors are meeting and discussing his case.
He is being scheduled for an ablation surgery next week. Then our hope is he will have a break for the summer and be able to recover and get on chemo.
Clint's been pretty emotional and frustrated. And you know what the best medicine really is......laughter!
So I'm calling in the BIGGEST joke train we can get!!! Post a joke, share this post, have others post jokes!!!
His surgery went well. He says he woke up from surgery to two supermodels! (I don't know about that I haven't showered since Monday😜)
We were told before surgery from a different doctor that it's not a bulging disc near his L5 that was causing the pain but another tumor that has shifted and is compressing that nerve (which makes more sense than a bulging disc).
We will have more tests tomorrow and discuss more of the results tomorrow and Friday all in the meantime monitoring and watching Clint's pain level and seeing how's he's responding to this device.
Thank you for your prayers, comments, and encouragement! I know it helps!
And thank you to my best friend Jenny for surprising me at the hospital and making me and Clint laugh. Love you 💜
I think there's something special about people who have cancer. Even though this ugly disease has invaded their bodies it seems to me to soften their souls.
Of all the people we have been blessed to meet that have been affected by this devastating disease there seems to me to be several major personality common denominators....compassion, humanity, and an increased abnormal measure of selfless love.
Cancer does so many horrible things to people but I've witnessed that it also works magic on your soul (if) you let it.
It gives you the chance to step back and see a precipice before you......a chance to stop and shed the shell of who you once were into someone you've always wanted to become.
The secret is choosing to let it...
Speaking of amazing people with cancer Clint got a surprise visit from a friend and fellow cancer fighter! We love and pray for you and your family Toa.
And to all those fighting with a trial large or small .....keep up the good fight it'll be worth it in the end God has promised and he doesn't lie!
Hallelujah we survived this horrible, awful, terrible, no good, very bad day!!!!
It's been pretty brutal for The Bauer's. On the car ride home from the hospital Clint was crying from the extreme discomfort and pain. And I was crying because Clint was crying and then we picked up Wyatt and he was crying.
We got home and Clint was able to rest and take a nap but this evening his nerve pain has started to act up. He says it feels like road rash and he has cramping and burning pain in his right ankle and leg. The doctor did say he would have lots of discomfort and nerve irritation after what he's been through.
Gunner got into the shower and helped hold Clint's drains while I helped wash him and Wyatt helped with his lotion.
As I got him out of the shower I could see his eyes filled with tears for the pain he was enduring and the gratitude in his heart for a family that loves him and takes care of him....
As Clint left the bathroom in tears I wrapped Gunner up in the towel as he buried his head into my chest and cried "Why is our life so hard Mom?"
I held him for a minute and then said
"Gunner I know it's not easy and Heavenly Father knew it wouldn't be easy so that's why he sent us.
Because he knew we are strong. If we rely on him and have faith in him he will help us through it I know it!"
I could hear Clint crying in the bedroom as he listened to me. I then called for a Bauer family LOVE fest in our room as Neiska and Clint read stories the boys were gushing with excitement to help me drain, measure, clean and flush his drains.
I know angels are around our family. The ones who we can see with our eyes and the ones that we can't see.
I know God hears the prayers of ALL of his children. I know we can make it through challenges that are impossible with the help of our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.
Well let's just say we will try at all costs NOT to have a procedure done at The University Hospital. Normally we go to Huntsman Cancer Hospital but the surgeon was at The U yesterday and wanted us to go there......
Their post surgical proceedings have been a nightmare. After the procedure Clint was put in a short stay room with a broken air conditioner unit waiting for a room for over 5 1/2 hours!! The temperature in there said 78'.
I was told by the first nurse that they were calling maintenance to fix it but then subsequent nurse said it WASN'T broken and it felt fine to her. (Really? Then why does the thermostat say 78')
Then they kept under medicating him and bringing the wrong doses of meds all while telling me they can't administer iv pain meds with his oral pain meds..... Yeah right!
(Side note: I try really hard to be patient and understanding of those who take care of Clint and give people the benefit of the doubt but don't mess with my baby)
After I told this nurse to look and see she came back later and said
"Oh yeah he can have that I just read your chart."
Well how about reading the freakin' chart hours ago!?!?
DON'T be lazy and not ready your chart just because you 'assume' he had some 'minor' procedure and he's just whiney.
So irritating!!!! At 11pm we finally get to a room and as soon as Clint saw there was only two hard non-reclining chairs for me his eyes filled with tears. I assured him I was fine and I wanted to stay up and knit for awhile anyway. Of course Clint asked the new room staff immediately if I could get a chair that reclined and they said yeah sure no problem.
I patiently waited listening to the snoring symphony of My Dream man and Then around 3am I asked if they were able to find a chair as the nurse replied she had forgot. So then at 3:30am they wheeled in a cot....
Wyatt has been having separation issues and called me crying and missing his mamma...
Luckily we had some great friends come and distract us! Thank you Kate for dinner and Clint's favorite Tiramisu😍
I'm making sure we are at Huntsman at all costs next time!
So grateful they were able to operate and help him. They are sending him home with the drains and Next Wednesday is a CT scan and then surgery in two weeks to hopefully burn the tumor that's strangulating his sciatic