Monday, February 23, 2015

Our Valentine's News

So grateful my Valentine is Here with me!

Despite the smiles on our faces this week has been extremely difficult. Clint has been experiencing a lot of pain, nerve pain and cramping in his right glute, thigh and hip.
After talking to the doctor they rushed him in for an MRI Tuesday. I sat there in the wait room (watching The Hobbit of course) for an hour and a half. When I made eye contact with Clint as he came into the waiting room my heart broke.....
He didn't need To say anything.... His pain ridden eyes and tear stained cheeks told me all I needed to know. 

With the tumors on his nerves laying in that MRI machine completely still for that length of time was more pain than anyone should have to bear... I've never seen him so pain ridden, beaten down, and frustrated....EVER. It made me think of the suffering Jesus Christ had to go through for all the world. It wasn't fair but he did it without complaining. Without whining. Just like my Super Hero. 
I grabbed him and hugged him right in the middle of the hall. Then we drove home in silence. 

All I could do was try and pep talk myself into not crying with him. He needed me to be strong. He needed me to cheer him up. I needed a miracle. I prayed that I would make it to work that night without crying. 

My prayers were answered as he dropped me off I blew him a kiss and walked into the shop to cry. 
I miss our easy life. Our life before cancer. Our life when all I needed to worry about is what to make for dinner and if I'd ever be able to get to the end of the laundry pile. Our easy life where constant worry didn't hang over our heads and cloud all our rooms. Where my kids worried 
about how to not eat their vegetables not if their Daddy will be alive for Christmas. 

Wyatt our 4 year old says everyday

"I'm going to miss Daddy when he dies."
Cancer is horrible. It's NOT fair. 
Ever since the MRI Clint's been pretty down physically and emotionally. 

On our way to our AMAZING Valentine date tonight we called and were told that the tumors have increased another 30% since November. We were penciled in for surgery again next week. We meet with pain team tomorrow and the doctors on Tuesday to find out for sure what the best plan will be to help Clint.

I need a miracle for my Valentine is that too much to ask?

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