Monday, February 23, 2015

Bad News yet again....make it stop!

Well it would be an understatement to say it's been a hard last couple of weeks. 

Clint does not feel good at all. He hasn't been able to keep Any food down since Thursday of last week. 

We had more CT scans today

Today at the doctors they said the tumors in his right lung have gotten progressively worse and have started to spread to his left lung. 

Lung tumors: The only way to get "rid" of them would be to completely remove the right lung severely inhibiting his mobility and quality of life (Which we definitely won't do) so what do we do?! Nothing but pray they don't keep growing. 

Other tumors in his flute and abdomen

this large tumor they aren't operating on... It's in a very difficult location and it's fused to his bowels.

Over the weekend his nerve pain started to come back as well so with the doctors we decided to do surgery (again) this Wednesday to remove the tumor in the right front of his leg and the tumor in the back of his glute that is around his nerves. (The one we operated on in November has regenerated) hoping that the surgery will help with the nerve pain and enrich his quality of life. 
The doctor hit the nail on the head today when he said all we need to do after surgery is freeze time. Time is SO precious. We can live with terminal cancer I just can't live with it terminating my best friend. 
Why is this happening? Why do the best people have to go through the worst of things? I don't know. But I DO know that no matter what situations and problems we are dealt we can choose how we handle them.
We can choose to look at the battle we have as a curse or look at the time we have been given as a gift. Life is supposed to be treasured and enjoyed and that's what us Bauer's try and do. 

Leaving the hospital it was a pretty solemn car ride. Clint talked to his dad (Clint's dad is his soft place to fall) just hearing his voice Clint started to break down and cry. 

We drove in silence for another 10 minutes and cried until I turned the radio on and much to my needed relief Sir Mix a Lot was singing about his baby's back. So I turned it up and shook what my mamma gave me. 

Making Clint laugh (which makes it all worth it)

Why were we in the ER?

After a very crazy and horrible 24 hours of ER hopping (I don't recommend you take that up recreationally) our Warrior got back home about 2am this morning. 
After talking to the Huntsman On call Oncologist yesterday afternoon Clint wasn't improving. He was extremely tired, had blurred vision, was disoriented, and was not himself AT all still. 

He looked at his reports and said the earlier ER doctor missed seeing he was too low on potassium. And that I should bring him downtown to the University ER where they could monitor him. 

Clint said he would rather eat a couple bananas then go in. So I grabbed some bananas and as soon as he started eating them he was throwing up. I told him much to his (and mine) disappointment that bowl of puke earned him a for sure ride back to the ER. 

They gave Clint a small dose of narcotic removal and he went crazy and it was really scary. It was almost like a scene out of the exorcism. It was like they injected acid in his IV or something. His eyes instantly opened and were filled with terror. He kept saying he was burning up. Then he started repeating he couldn't do this anymore and looked at me with his eyes filled with tears saying he's so sorry. All while writhing in pain. A dark memory I would never want to experience again. 

They said it was a micro dose (didn't look like one) and they were sorry but they wanted to take some of the medication out of his system to see if it was part of the problem. 
Now they are thinking the combination of his oxygen being too low and his medications all being changed at once are responsible. 
They gave him fluids and more potassium and monitored him and then we were free. 

He's home now on oxygen. 
He has CT scans Monday and we see all his doctors after. 

Thank you for your concern, prayers, and light you've sent our way through our dark days. They have helped us make it through.

Second Visit to the ER on Friday February 20th

We're back. Seriously how much excitement can the Bauer's handle? 

He started throwing up and hasn't been able to eat or drink. Called the oncologist on call and he said his labs from this mornings Daybreak campus ER were too low in potassium. 
They said to bring him up to the downtown hospital ER so they can see him and try and figure out what's going on. 
Thank you Kathleen our mini Mamma for coming with us on this date

First Visit to the ER on Friday February 20th

Starting our Friday date night off early. Rushed Mr Bauer to the ER in the middle of the night. He's extremely disoriented and had numbness of his lips and chest pains. They did a CT of his brain and everything looked good. 
As they rolled him out for the scans he looked at me with his eyes filled with tears saying how sorry he was. 

I told him "It's not your fault. Quit saying that or I will punch you in the face." (Okay I wouldn't really but it made him smile) then as he left the room I started to cry and pray please God let everything be okay.....
They just did a CT of his chest and no sign of blood clots. They are thinking his oxygen level is too low causing the symptoms. We are waiting to see what the radiologist thinks.

He is one hot mess! 
Took Clint to the ER in the night as posted before. He was disoriented and didn't know where he was and had pressure behind his left eye and numbness in his mouth. 
They did a chest and brain CT scan and found no blood clots! It did show progression of cancer in lungs. With some of the tumors in the right lung doubling in size from November. 

His oxygen levels are too low and they think that's what caused all the symptoms. They are sending him home with oxygen and Monday we see the surgeon and oncologist to decide what's the best thing to do....unless they want us to come in today. 
Hopefully we can stay OUT of the hospitals for the weekend. (Crossing my fingers)

The Calm Before The Storms

This is my babies holding hands taking a nap yesterday. Just melts my heart they are such good friends. 

The steroid pack and medicine they put Clint on has really helped! When we saw his surgeon Tuesday we would've operated again to help relieve some pain for Clint so we are SO thankful for medicine. 

He actually felt good enough to sit down and play an entire game of cards (I know that doesn't sound like a big deal to most but it's a BIG deal to us!) 

He also went to the play land with the kids. They are so glad their daddy is feeling a little better! 
They said Clint has a tumor that is wrapping itself around his nerve that shoots down his leg. The steroid pack has helped with the inflammation and irritation and its effects can last up to three weeks. We will watch Clints pain level and determine the operations based upon his quality of life. 
Monday we go in and he gets a chest CT scan to see how the cancer in his lungs has grown (or not hopefully) and decide if he should still be on chemo or if it's helping to slow the cancer down....
Thanks for thinking of us, praying for us, and following us on our crazy journey through life!

Loving our Valentine

My Valentine has been sick in bed all day today. We got home from the hospital last night and despite the elevated medications he didn't sleep well. 
He has been throwing up through the morning and early afternoon and has been shaky but it seems this evening he has started to ralley and joined us for dinner. 

The most pain right now is coming from nerve pain. We started him on a medication today for nerve pain but it takes two weeks to notice and relief. 
They did start him on a five day steroid pack to try and control some of the nerve inflammation and this evening he says he thinks that's helping. 

We definitely don't want to jump into another surgery so soon but we will do whatever the doctors think will give Clint the best quality of life. We see his doctors Tuesday morning. 

In the meantime there will be lots of rest and love we will be giving our Warrior

Too much pain

Hot date night. When we took Mr Bauer to the pain team today his extreme pain levels caused his blood pressure to skyrocket 178/108. 

Attached are the recent MRI photos from this week showing some of the tumors. They are the white masses

They have admitted him now so they can administer IV pain meds to get him comfortable. So grateful for such a great hospital and doctors who care. 

Our Valentine's News

So grateful my Valentine is Here with me!

Despite the smiles on our faces this week has been extremely difficult. Clint has been experiencing a lot of pain, nerve pain and cramping in his right glute, thigh and hip.
After talking to the doctor they rushed him in for an MRI Tuesday. I sat there in the wait room (watching The Hobbit of course) for an hour and a half. When I made eye contact with Clint as he came into the waiting room my heart broke.....
He didn't need To say anything.... His pain ridden eyes and tear stained cheeks told me all I needed to know. 

With the tumors on his nerves laying in that MRI machine completely still for that length of time was more pain than anyone should have to bear... I've never seen him so pain ridden, beaten down, and frustrated....EVER. It made me think of the suffering Jesus Christ had to go through for all the world. It wasn't fair but he did it without complaining. Without whining. Just like my Super Hero. 
I grabbed him and hugged him right in the middle of the hall. Then we drove home in silence. 

All I could do was try and pep talk myself into not crying with him. He needed me to be strong. He needed me to cheer him up. I needed a miracle. I prayed that I would make it to work that night without crying. 

My prayers were answered as he dropped me off I blew him a kiss and walked into the shop to cry. 
I miss our easy life. Our life before cancer. Our life when all I needed to worry about is what to make for dinner and if I'd ever be able to get to the end of the laundry pile. Our easy life where constant worry didn't hang over our heads and cloud all our rooms. Where my kids worried 
about how to not eat their vegetables not if their Daddy will be alive for Christmas. 

Wyatt our 4 year old says everyday

"I'm going to miss Daddy when he dies."
Cancer is horrible. It's NOT fair. 
Ever since the MRI Clint's been pretty down physically and emotionally. 

On our way to our AMAZING Valentine date tonight we called and were told that the tumors have increased another 30% since November. We were penciled in for surgery again next week. We meet with pain team tomorrow and the doctors on Tuesday to find out for sure what the best plan will be to help Clint.

I need a miracle for my Valentine is that too much to ask?