Monday, September 15, 2014

Sickness, Sadness, and Blessings....

Well Clint's been sick today. He was able to make it through the first hour of church then I sent him home to go back to bed. 

After church we had a meeting with Gunner and the bishop to talk about Gunners baptism

(which we are going to do on Clint's birthday September 30th - how cool will that be?!) 

I went home to get Clint because he didn't want to miss it and as we were sitting there in the bishops office I could see Clint getting sicker and sicker and soon he excused himself from the room and ran to the bathroom where he threw up.

Ever since he's gotten home he's either been in bed or the bathroom. 

Uuggghhh Stinkin' chemo.....

Gunner was sitting on the couch tonight (with a fever and a cough) and said

"Cancer brought us lots of good things but at the same time it's bad."

I had a couple of family parties to attend tonight and going without Clint is hard....I'm glad he's home resting. That's where he should be.....

But the thoughts that I try keep locked away in the back of my heart start to work their way out when he's not around. I'm scared. I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't want my kids to not have their Daddy. My soul mate, my North Star, my second half, my right hand, my happiness, my Dream Man.! The thoughts of a life without him is too much to bare. 

Clint and I went to the Temple last Friday and knelt as proxy for Temple marriages....

As I looked across the altar into his eyes filled with tears I felt the pain and sadness that parting this mortal life would bring us but I also felt with a undeniable truth that this life isn't the end. That we WILL be together for eternity because of the sealing powers that were restored to the earth. In that sad and terrible moment I was able to get a glimpse past our hell on Earth and see Heaven....

Heaven where we will be together forever and no pain or sickness will drive us apart. Heaven where our family will be together FOREVER. 

I don't want to grow old without my best friend. It's not right. I can't make any plans because a plan without Clint is wrong...

I don't want to think about my future if he's not in it.....

At least I have a ninja to help me do the laundry! 


  1. This post and your testimony really touched me. You make me want to be a better person.

  2. Hi. You don't know me, but I just watched your story on the ksl website. My mother in law called me this morning and told me that she and my father in law saw the story on TV last night and said that there was a photo shown in the news story of your husband on his mission and that (their son) my husband, Aaron, was in the photo as well. My husband's name is Aaron Harkness. Once I saw the photo of Clint and Aaron on their mission, I instantly knew who your husband was because I have photos of the two of them together as well. I remember hearing stories about Aaron's time with Elder Bauer. Aaron had such a huge love for Clint. I am SO sorry for what your family is going through. I am not sure if Clint ever heard, but Aaron passed away back in November 2007. It has truly been a trial that has sent me through the refiners fire... I never thought I would be a 30 year old widow and that my son, Aaron Jr, would be left without a father before the age of 2.
    Anyway, I wanted to reach out and let you know of our connection... I am so sad that your family is experiencing this heartache. It looks like you are treasuring the time you have together as a family, that is so important. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
    God bless you all.