Tuesday, August 27, 2013

....:(

Hi my Dear Friend. Yesterday was a horrible nightmare.  And to think I woke up in the morning and even debated putting on waterproof mascara (figuring we had pretty much heard the bulk of the bad news last week) ......BUT.... The Dr asked the PA to grab the entire box of tissues.....

 They said the cancer is spreading and speedily growing all over his pelvis area and back. To operate it would put him through losing more quality of life and for some unknown reason it seems to aggravate the cancer and make it worse.
He said untreated he would estimate given its growth rate Clint has 1-2 years left to live. As he sat there telling us this I was horrified to say the least. We both just sat there with tears streaming down our faces.....stunned.... I was so glad Clint's dad was there to ask questions for us while I had no words that would come out of my mouth.

He did recommended the experimental Chemo which has an opening in 4 weeks, and they are still going to watch him "like white on rice" and take each problem one by one and make him as comfortable as possible.  Bringing up hospice as a real conversation we might need to have down the road.

As I sat there stunned all I could think was- How can this be true? This isn't fair, What will I do without him?  Our life growing old together, our plans, our dreams for our life now ripped out and stolen by this ugly disease.....  To be forced to think of my life without him......... breaks......my......heart......In two years Wyatt won't even be in Kindergarten.

 We made that appointment for their next opening with the Chemo Dr (which ends up being September 30- Clint's birthday) *uggh*

I wish we could just run away! Wait we ARE....:) Today we leave out of town in a MUCH NEEDED getaway to that family cancer retreat at Harmony Hill in Washington. Which starts this Thursday thru Saturday.  Then we will take some extra days and drive down the coast before we come home next week.

Thank you for praying for us and for reading my blog.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers and hope that this experimental chemo will work a miracle for us.

-Your Friend Kamille

yuck

Hi there.

 Well Clint's appointment was disappointing.( we should get use to that by now-right?) 
the tumors in his lungs are growing.  There's two in his right lung and five in his left lung. They can operate and remove them, but with tumors growing in other places in his body they are concerned it would keep coming back and they would have to keep taking more and more of his lungs out.  To remove them from his lungs they can only do one side per surgery because in the surgery they have to collapse the lung they are operating on and the other lung has to do the breathing. The big concern is once you remove parts of your lung you can't do anything to get it back and it results in the loss of oxygen capacity- hence more and more surgeries leads to less and less oxygen your lungs can get.

We then met the Chemo Dr and learned about his options there. Monday all of the doctors will be meeting to discuss Clint and then Monday afternoon we meet with Clint's Dr and find out what our next step is.

I am pretty much emotionally numb today. I'm glad my father in law was there to crack his usual jokes and provide some comic relief. I also stuffed my face after with nachos, a hamburger and fries, and then for dinner pizza and my moms chocolate chip cookies.(obviously the temporary gratification left me not feeling so good ) 

Life's just not fair. I know it is a miracle that we have made it this far and we are so grateful for those like you that pray and think about us. I don't know what to do but move through and take it day by day. 
And how can you be sad when this little person wants you to take him out for a walk and gives you a kiss?!

I'm so grateful for my kids and their sweet, energetic spirits! I will keep you posted after his appointment Monday. Maybe I will talk to you before then.

Signing off from my phone blogging

-Your Friend Kamille
Hey there.  How's your week going so far?  I'm pretty much a Nervous Nellie.  It's back to reality for the Bauer's.....
We had Clint's tests yesterday (isn't he such a hottie?!)  Thursday we meet with the Thoracic Surgeon to see if and how fast the cancer is growing in his lungs.  That same day we will meet the Chemo Dr. He has never done Chemo before because it's proven no results on this type of cancer, but I guess there's an experimental chemo so we will go find out about it.  Then on Monday we meet his doctor and find out about the other tumors and what the plan of action will be for him.