Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Smile?


Hi my Friend. How have you been?! How has your week been treating you? Did you have a good Valentines Day? 

 I've lost a little 'pep' to my step I guess. You would think that I would be doing better this week compared to last week when we got Clint's results, but I guess it hadn't really hit me until now....It's hard always trying to be positive, don't you think? I'm emotionally burnt out, and ready to sit in the water bucket like Goldie Hawn in the Movie Overboard. 

I hate to let anyone see me cry, and I especially hate to cry in front of Clint-the cry where he knows that I'm crying about him. Every time I do I can visualize his hopes and dreams of providing for us start to crumble with each tear-I know he feels horrible and I feel so guilty when I'm sad because I know it only makes him feel worse.

 I usually will go and cry in the shower where no one can hear me, but the other day when I put the kids to bed I could barely shut the bathroom door before I started to have a melt down. As I was covering my mouth to muffle the sound with my back against the door, I could hear Clint on the other side of the door trying to get in.
"Kamille, I would rather you cry with me than hide from me." 
Then he opened the door and I fell apart in his arms.....

Some days are easier than others....I'm just hoping for the days being easier to out weigh the hard ones. Do you have any magic tricks to get you through hard times in your life?

Remember before Clint's surgery last year when his dad sent us to Hawaii? When we were there I got this necklace that had two birds on it and a little turquoise stone.  From the moment I got it I wore it every day for months until one day it broke.  I meant to put it in a safe place to fix later, but soon it was lost.  

Yesterday Clint came home from 'therapy' with flowers and a little black box. When I opened it there was my lost little love birds necklace that he found and got fixed! I just looked at it and started to cry, then he started to cry. 

 
 I love Clint and my Love Birds.  

-Your Friend Kamille



1 comment:

  1. Kamille,
    You and Clint are such an inspiration to all those who know you. You are both VERY strong. But this cancer thing has been stalking you guys and being very mean and nasty. 99% of the time you are strong and positive when no one understands how either of you do it. When you can't hold it together because you are scared of a very scary stalker called cancer...you just go ahead and cry, scream, beat your fist in the air or on the nearest pillow. Run until your lungs feel like they will explode, call a friend (like me) who loves you so much. You do whatever it is you need to do to let it out. Then calm your self with the knowledge that God loves you and Clint along with sooooooo many others. God is there for you both, along with soooo many others.

    IT SUCKS!!!!!!! But....no matter what the journey takes you....you have more love, prayers and support than you could ever believe. You and Clint have a love that has withstood so many bumps and you are both more in love and devoted than ever!!

    I don't know if you will ever understand how much I love you both and what an inspiration you are. You think it is nothing....just you doing what you need to do. And you are right. But sometimes we fall apart, can't put one foot in front of the other. We only see the gloom and doom, the negative, the down side. We forget to think positive, to not let the bad moments over take us and drown in the scary sadness of it all. And then we look at you and Clint and know that we can do it, we can move forward, we can get through it...maybe not with the grace that you do it with but we know if we work at it...we can.

    As always, you and your beautiful family are in my prayers. And my heart is full from just kowing you. What a blessing you are. Give my (Mr Handsom)a hug and tell him any time he wants his banana pudding cake to let me know!!

    Love you!!

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