Sunday, October 28, 2012

Road to Happiness?

How are you today? I hope great! 

The other day Clint and I were on our way to the doctors and we soon found ourselves broke down on the side of the freeway.  It was just the event that put the cherry on our poopy sundae. As I sat there in the car while Clint had the hood up I kept praying for the strength not to run out into oncoming traffic!
 (thank you Heavenly Father for answering that prayer...;) 

We let the engine cool and drove to the nearest exit and gas station....

Disclaimer: Most of the time I try to keep it together

but......this was not one of those times....

While he ran in to grab oil and water I just sat there and cried.  Is this seriously happening? Why can't we just get a break? Would the rain cloud that plagued our life ever leave? Was the universe just preparing us for more bad news at the doctors? 

After he worked on the car (which didn't help) we sat there next to each other.... in silence.....defeated. 

Luckily his parents were in the area and picked us up so we could get to our appointment on time.

The Doctor opened the door and before he even walked in he said...

"It looks good!"

Both of us sat there dazed and in disbelief.....He went on to say Clint's cancer hasn't grown and they don't know why exactly his leg is swelling. They suggested we find him some compression shorts and an abdominal wrap to see if that helps. Then come back and retest in January.

 So my mission:

find a good pair of compression shorts for Clint and an abdominal wrap to help his hernia

Now we will be able to have a great Holiday Season without doctors appointments! Could we ask for a better present?! .....No

There's been no hiding the fact that since last December our lives have been anything but easy.  Catapulting this past year as our hands down:

Worst Year Ever

 Having to deal with the emotional, physical, and financial stress that cancer has infected our lives with-but also dealing with closing our Purse store and losing relationships with people that I thought were my closest friends. It left me many times wanting to go to sleep and not wake up. I'm normally a happy person so finding myself feeling like this so often was slowly erasing who was..... And I hated that. 

Now here comes the scary part......

In March of this year I received a framed gift of my family from my niece that had taken pictures of us a couple months before 

 (You know that picture you have of yourself that should be buried, burned, or immediately destroyed upon you viewing?! That was the kind of picture that was looking right at me)

Yes I am going to show you the picture that I dug out of a deep dark place

As I looked at it I sat there horrified at the sight of myself and my horrible life! I knew I had to do something

Either shoot my fat lard self 
 get on medication 

Because I couldn't go on feeling that way anymore.  I didn't want to see the doctor (not just because I was now uninsured) but I wanted to fix this problem without prescriptions.  

  I then started praying for an answer to help me save my life....  

I got the strong impression that I needed to workout at least five days a week.  I sat down with Clint and laid out the answer to my prayer and he was the first to cheer me on! I knew it wouldn't be easy to do by myself

Now all I needed was a dynamite workout partner......

ask and ye shall receive


I couldn't of done it without her! Her encouragement, commitment, and friendship has been one of the best things in my life.  Thank you Lori. Thank you for being there and showing up for me even when I didn't want to be there for myself.

Quickly the chore of working out soon became something I actually enjoyed! It became easier to eat healthier and which soon led to me feeling better!  In June my cousin Jeremy prodded me to sign up and run the :  

Half Marathon with him. I knew I better start running.  

There was one big problem...

I hated running

But I knew if Clint could run he would. So he was my motivation I could run for Clint. I had already done so many hard things I knew I could do hard things....

I enlisted Lori to enter the world of running with me. After following beginning running recommendations we did just that! I worked my way up to chasing her around the neighborhoods multiple times a week.

And last Saturday I found myself at the starting line of:

 My First Half Marathon

It was so exciting to have worked so hard for something.  I soon found myself running with a smile. My heart was so full of joy and happiness.  I often found myself choking back tears as I ran and thanking the Lord for a body that could run and not be weary, a body that I was so thankful for.

I had some sweet tunes that Clint made as a playlist and I sang, ran, and shed tears for 13.1 miles.  I was so proud of myself.  As I crossed the finish line all I could do was cry.  Cry because I was happy, cry because I accomplished something that I never thought I could do, cry because Clint can't run and I can....

It was such an amazing moment that I will cherish

Now here I am 20lbs lighter 

 It's not the weight being gone that matters most.... it's the burden of depression that is gone.   I feel so empowered and so extremely grateful for Lori and Jeremy and many of you that have loved us and supported us despite our imperfections. 

Here's hoping I can repay some small part of the unconditional love and kindness that has been shown to my self and my family.

Thank you for reading my blog and being my friend!

-Your Friend Kamille

Monday, October 15, 2012

Update: Be Happy

I've missed sitting down and writing to you.  This time of the year at the shops is crazy and keeps us hoppin'! How are you?! I hope you are doing good.

love this picture of Clint...He's so flippin' cute I want to eat his face off...(no I'm not eating bath salt I'm just crazy for him...:)

Since Clint has been sick people have said they can't believe how positive we are.  The truth is some days are easier than others.  And sometimes life just isn't fair. I look at him with awe and wonder why? Why does someone so amazing have to go through something so horrible? Why can't the cancer just go away? Why can't we just get a break?! Then the guilt starts to creep in.....and I hear myself say to myself 
"Why can't you just be grateful?" 

Because isn't each day we have here together a gift?! How easy it is to forget that what we hold most precious could be gone in an instant. Why spend your days sad and unhappy? You should treasure the time that you have been given with the best attitude and outlook as possible(definitely easier said than done believe me I know)

*****Graphic Pictures Below******

Clint's leg has been swelling the last week. So I texted the doctor this picture I took of it yesterday and he immediately called and wants us to come in for an MRI today. I hope we are just being paranoid and cautious. Could the cancer be growing back so fast? Or could the swelling be a sign of a blood clot? We will find out....we are extremely grateful for such a great doctor. 

I will talk to you soon and hopefully have okay news to report:) cross your fingers for us.