Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Christmas 2015

With Christmas fast approaching I find myself trying to fight off the intensifying anxiety. 
I know everything will workout but he won't be here. He won't be here to see the look of un contained excitement on our little kids faces Christmas morning. He won't be here to look at me like I'm the best gift he has ever received. He won't be here... 






On a day that's supposed to be filled with joy - he won't be here. On a day that's supposed to make our children's eyes sparkle - he won't be here. A realization that yet again even on the day that is so special my special person is not here. 
I get through most days by relying on God to help me make it through. Living my life on a 'play by play' basis. Thinking about what I'm doing at that moment or that day. 
Where I lose it is when I think ahead or try to plan the future - the future without Clint. It just doesn't seem right. Like a jacket with sleeves too short, or a cookie recipe without the salt....its just not the way it's supposed to be. It's not the way I like it. 

I was walking through Target yesterday helping my kids get their final presents for the special people on their list and a woman came up to me and said I didn't know her but that she followed our blog and page. In front of my kids she said how our family has helped her and her family so much and that we are such an inspiration to her. 
As she turned to walk away you could feel the gratitude seep into the cracks of our broken hearts. As Neiska said "That's cool mom!" Deep down I felt the Holy Ghost whisper -
 "You're doing what you were meant to do. It was supposed to be this way." 
(As I thought back - oh yeah?! Well your plan sucks!)

I know I say Clint's not here physically but I know he is spiritually. 


The other night Gunner came into my room uncontrollably crying and saying
"It was really him mom. Daddy was really here!"
He went on to explain that Satan was making him not feel safe in his room and that he cried out to his Daddy to help and that he HEARD Clints REAL voice and FELT Clints embrace and that Clint held his hand that he SAW Clints hand with his own eyes. And then his Daddy told him that he was going to be able to make it through and that it was going to be alright and that he LOVED him. 
Gunner my 9 year old sat there crying in shock and awe as I held him and cried with him. Then as he went back to bed my 4 year old Wyatt curled up in a ball on my bed and cried. Cried and cried from a broken heart that desperately missed his Daddy. As I sat there and rubbed his back I went to sing 'You are my sunshine' (one of his and Clints favorites) as he replied through tears
"Don't sing that one mommy - it's too sad."

I KNOW those who pass away are among us, I KNOW God sends angels to help us when we can't help ourselves, I KNOW when life gets hard we can get strength that's not our own and that strength will not only help us make it through but help OTHERS who are watching! 

I'm beyond grateful for the knowledge we have that families are forever. And that we WILL be with our loved ones we lose. And I KNOW that none of this would have been possible without the ONE man born on the Earth 2015 years ago. 

This week we are celebrating his birth. This week we are acknowledging that his birth and life so long ago forever changed the course of history. 
This week we reflect on the birth whose presence made the Angels sing. The man who was born and lived PERFECTLY. 
His life was FAR from perfect. Despite the miracles he performed and the spirit he shared - he was hated, reviled, spit upon, tortured and betrayed. In the end The King of ALL men was rejected and voted to be crucified. 
The man who suffered more for us individually than we can EVER comprehend. That man died for US so we can,through him, live again! 
“I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. . . . 
There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, ‘beyond [his] own.’ The Savior reminds us that He has ‘graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands.’ 
Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. 
When He says to the poor in spirit, ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way."
- Elder Holland
(Clints favorite apostle)

I leave my testimony with Elder Hollands. He Lives and loves us beyond comprehension and that if we believe in him we will find unexplainable peace - even in the most difficult of times. 
Love you guys 
Merry Christmas
~ Kamille



Sunday, October 18, 2015

10.16.2015 - I BELIEVE it. I KNOW it. I live it.



I know this is true! It's been the WORST of times BUT we've seen Gods loving hands guiding us over these last unimaginably difficult years.
I've seen him turn our bitterness to joy
I've seen him bring comfort to our comfort less hearts
I've seen him fill the vast hole in our hearts with his love since Clint died.
Life is NOT meant to be easy! We KNEW that before we came here to Earth.
We are here to be tested - we are here to show when the tough times come we WILL rise up and choose the right!
No matter how hard we fall we CAN get up with our Saviors help and do what we once thought impossible - I BELIEVE it. I KNOW it. I live it.

10.16.2015 - We Can Do It.

If we can do it so can you!

10.15.2015 - UEA Break at Lagoon!










UEA Fall break at Lagoon - We came, we partied, we conquered! Twelve hours
Baby steps for the Bauer Family.

10.14.2015 - Wyatt, My Sunshine.

Wyatt SERIOUSLY is my sunshine. I was sad yesterday and he came up and sat by me on the couch. After a few minutes of silence he leaned over and whispered somberly

"Think about what if wayne (rain) was poo."

I just sat there and laughed forever as his eyes lite up and sparkled in surprise - he made his mamma feel better and he was so proud of himself.

I was never so happy in my life to imagine turds falling out of the sky! 😜

Oh Wyatt I love you — thinking about rain as poo.

10.14.2015 - Choosing Our Attitude.

Amidst all of our trials Clint and I took pride in the fact we could control our attitudes. Actually that was the ONLY thing we found we could control....

10.12.2015 - Changing Parental Codes.

Trying to watch a PG-13 movie and I don't know the parental code😜

10.12.2015 - Love Notes.


Just found this note in Clint's night stand he'd saved from January 2007....

So glad I knew what I had before it was gone❤

Clint,
I love you! It's almost 1am & you are sleeping....but I couldn't wait to tell you that you are my world! The happiness that is in my smile & my dream come true! If nothing good ever happened to me again it wouldn't matter because my one important piece that completes my life & creates a perfect picture is already there....its you, it's us forever my prince for eternity death can't keep us apart. I'm so glad l, so amazed that I have the single greatest guy in the world who's perfect for me. I never thought my life would be this wonderful I'm elated to be your wife
❤ Kamille


10.12.2015 - Be-Witched Bootique.




Clint and I have always been passionate about Halloween and 7 years ago we opened our seasonal Be-Witched Bootique at Gardner Village.

It's such a alternate sad universe to not see him down there on Witches Night Out flashing his gorgeous smile.

We will forever have the most spookiest place in our hearts for you Mr Bauer.


10.11.2015 - Dang The Facebook Memories.



 hold my breath every time Facebook says I have a memory with Clint to look back on....
The memories are so sweet yet so sad to revisit....
Why did he have to be so amazing and gorgeous?! He seriously got cuter everyday! 
I'd ask "Are you taking cute pills?!"
I kept joking with him the last couple years -
"You should start being mean, or even less amazing and try looking ugly it would make it a LOT easier for me to lose you."
Then we just laughed as he would make a crazy ugly face
I miss my best friend - the one who knew all my jokes, the one who made me feel safe, the one who played 'guess which movie' with our favorite lines, the one who looked at me like I was the best thing ever created, the one who brightened all my dark clouds - the one who always made me smile - my person my spirits magnet.....
I feel like salt that has lost is savor, a song that forgot the melody, a compass that doesn't know a direction, a flower without the sunshine, a heart that is sick and drowning in grief.
I KNOW there's help for my broken heart! I KNOW that because of the atonement I can get strength that's not my own to get me through. I KNOW that because I've felt God's strength when I knew I didn't have any of my own left.
“I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. . . . There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life.
Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, ‘beyond [his] own.’ The Savior reminds us that He has ‘graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands.’
Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He IS the way."
- President Jeffrey R Holland 
(Clint's favorite apostle)
I KNOW we are literally children of a loving Heavenly Father who loves us individually and knows our sadness, frustrations, and problems!!
He is there to lift our burdens IF we ask for his help. I KNOW it because he's lifted mine. I will forever tell the world of his goodness and unconditional love that he has shown endlessly to my family - and each one of his children who come unto him.
Our fairy tale didn't go as planned - my Dream Man died in the second act but I KNOW through choosing the right and following Gods commandments we WILL live happily ever after in the end!!!
- Love you to the moon and back baby! With Gods help and your help I can do it and I WILL❤❤❤




10.9.2015 - Date Night.

First date night with Clint in the temple. Walked in alone and walked out feeling peace and comfort from my boyfriend and a resounding undeniable prompting from him saying
"You can do it baby - you CAN do it!"
I can do it and I will. Love you forever Clint Bauer

10.8.2015 - Mood at The Bauer House.




There's been a somber mood at the Bauer house.
Like an unstable volcano of emotion - the tears erupt
Please don't ask me how I'm doing because 
I'm not okay. I don't think you can ever be 'okay' once your person is gone.....
I tried to go into work yesterday and I felt like I was in some alternate universe where the time I was in stood still. I watched the world around me going about as if nothing happened. How can everything still go on with him not here?!
Hearing the sobs of my boys as they're in bed crying for their daddy is a feeling I wish none would ever have to experience....
It's not fair....
Tonight my four year old Wyatt prayed:
"Please bless Daddy will have a wonderful time with Jesus. Bless the kids in Africa. Bless that Daddy will always be with us. Bless our family. Bless Daddy."
With tears in all of our eyes we said amen and hugged each other.....

10.7.2015 - Missing Clint.

I miss my best friend.  

10.5.2015 - Life

This is how we are doing right now.  

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Remembering Our Super Hero.


Memorial Services for our Forever Hero, Clint Bauer will be as follows:

Viewing: Sunday October 4, 5:00PM - 8:00 PM @ Jenkins Soffe, 1007 West South Jordan Parkway, South Jordan, UT. 

Funeral: Monday, October 5, 2015, 11:00AM. There will be a viewing prior, from 9:30 AM - 10:30 AM @ Sunset Ridge Stake Center, 8107 South 6700 West, West Jordan, UT

Obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=clinton-george-bauer&pid=175981254&fhid=4550

Orange is Clint's favorite color, if you would like to wear some orange to honor him please do so!

TO DONATE TO THE FAMILY PLEASE FOLLOW THIS LINK: https://www.gofundme.com/2uc1gw

Forever in our hearts, Clint.  Rest in peace & protect us from above.  

Sunday, September 27, 2015

9.27.2015 Birthday Celebrations and Videos












We have been ringing in our courageous Warriors Birthday early as in the middle of the night last night his body finally decided it is getting tired....
His lungs are completely filled with fluid and has only opened his eyes around 8:30am when the kids were all around him.
We are playing all his favorite music and gathering around him and telling him how much we love him. We have been playing your videos you sent in and he has smiled hearing them.
Hospice said he will return bravely home today....
We appreciate your love, prayers, and support! ‪#‎bauerpower‬